I need you 

I need you right now.  I need to talk to you.  You’re the only one who gets me.  The only one who ever listened. I feel like I’m breaking inside. 

Advertisements

Imma be okay!

Whether it’s tomorrow, or a week from now.. I’m going to be ok.   I won’t forget about you, and I hope you don’t forget about me…. no matter what,  I’m going to be ok.  Am I sad?  Sure I’m sad.  Actually, I was devastated truth be told.  Did I cry?  Sure did.  Lots today actually.  But at the end of the day, what can I do?    Finally found that friend..the one I’ve been looking for and like that it’s gone.   I’ll find someone new…but I won’t forget about you… and it won’t be the same.

 

A different view

Have you ever been looking for an answer to something and seem to get no where?  It could be something big or small, important or unimportant.  The point is, you just wanted an answer.

(almost) 5 years ago my life changed.  I welcomed my baby girl into the world.  My world changed in many ways.  My poor son, who was 2 1/2 at the time, got his entire world flipped upside down that year.  He got a new sister (who subsequently stole his spotlight), his mom went from working 18 hrs a week to 40! and things like his crib was gone, no more pacifier…. BIG changes for him.   I look back now, and I realize these were such big changes.  I made so many mistakes. so many things I wish I could do differently.   Because of that, my boy’s had so many behavioral issues.  He is down right mean to his sister.  Hurts her, hits her, says mean things to her etc etc…

Recently, I was talking with a newly acquired friend.   We got on the subject of kids and behavior and he said something to me that no one has ever said to me. Something that made so much sense.   I’ve lived the last 5 years with constant criticism from my family members.. ALWAYS telling me all the things I should do and shouldn’t do and being the first ones to tell me I am doing wrong.   But no one said this to me… no one said “Have you ever taught him how to be a big brother?”     Say what?  Talk about getting punched in the gut.  Now, I know this was in no way shape or form derogatory or said in an ill manner.  He was just honestly asking if I ever taught him to be a big brother.

The answer: No.   I’ll admit, when he said this to me, I cried.  I cried and cried and cried.  Even after the conversation moved on, I was still crying.  No, I never taught my boy how to be a big brother.  I just expected this little tiny boy who was still a baby himself, who had NEVER been around other kids, let alone a new baby sister, to know how to be a big brother.

 

I don’t know if he’ll ever read this.  I hope if he does he understands how those 11 words had such an impact on me. It was so simple and so true.

Forever grateful.

 

~JAVITC ❤